It's A....

It's A.....

GIRL!!!!!

We are happy to introduce Emma Lynne <3 She was born March 21 at 12:08 am.  Weighing in at 7lbs 1 oz, and 20 inches long.  

She came after a few pushes and is perfect in every way.  

We waited a long long time for this angel to come and couldn't be more thrilled. 

30 Weeks..

So I had all these notions that I’d be posting weekly updates about things like:

what I’m craving, what makes me want to throw up, has my belly button popped?, maternity clothes, do my rings still fit, stretch marks, do I miss anything, weird dreams, etc..

But every week it’s all the same answer

What I’m craving: Nothing, I eat the same as I did before...more sweets in there, but the holidays didn’t help that

What makes me want to throw up: Nothing

Has my belly button popped: Nope

Maternity clothes:  Have 2 pairs of jeans and leggings, but still wearing my normal jeans as well (unbuttoned) and normal tops

Do my rings still fit: Yep

Stretch Marks: Nope

Miss anything: Wine :)

Dreams: nope. I thought I'd have all these weird dreams and have a gender dream but I guess I'm not asleep long enough to dream haha. I only has one gender dream early on that the tech slipped and said what it was. My mom however just had a gender dream.

These answers week after week have been the same, minus the maternity clothes I wasn’t wearing them until after 23 weeks and only recently started wearing the jeans.

And my doctors appointments have been so quick, I’m in and out,  my doctor told me at the last appointment that I’m boring, but boring is good, you want to be boring, stay boring....  So hopefully I stay boring at every appointment. :) 

But people ask me all these questions and my answers never change and I have no weird pregnancy things, so with the new year I decided to start a new weekly update with some positive questions

How far along: 30 weeks

Movement: Yes, movement and lots of braxton hicks contractions

Looking forward to: My next doctors appointment and prepared childbirth class this week

Exercise:  Still doing a 30 minute workout every day (or most days) I rotate between 21 Day Fix, 21 Day Fix Extreme, Insanity Max 30, CIZE. .all modified of course.

Nutrition: Pretty much the same, had one too many treats this holiday so back to cutting back on the sugars.  Still drinking my Shakeology every day and eating as we usually do.  

Favorite moments: Steelers pulling out the win! And getting my milkshake from the PA farmshow

The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth

I am 22 weeks pregnant and over half way through you would think I’d be screaming from the rooftops, but unfortunately the past 2 miscarriages still haunt me daily.  It doesn’t get any easier, I just cry less.  It has now been a year since we lost baby #2 and  you think I’d be over it, but I still feel guilt for losing those 2 and thinking what if I lose this one.  

But I’m 22 weeks, and we finally got to see our baby at the anatomy scan, so why not get excited!!?!?. That was a huge milestone making it to the appointment!  Success!!! The appointment seemed to go pretty well, there was a cute sleeping baby sucking on its hands.  :) We went out to the store afterwards to finally buy a little something for our little one and show our parents a picture.  

But then I get the phone call at work the next week that the doctor reviewed the scans and there was concern about the head shape.  My heart sank.  I immediately regretted getting the slightest bit excited.  Luckily they got me in the next day to the specialist.  

We went and got to see baby again, the results were, yes there was concern about the shape of the head, it was elongated, but because baby was sitting breech at the last appointment and this one they believe that is the reason.  They stated that this is normal with breech babies and all the soft spots were still open which was good, but wanted a follow up measurement in a few weeks.  Thank goodness.  

But the truth is if this were my first pregnancy I’d think nothing of it and be having an excited carefree pregnancy, but this fear that just when I let things go that’s when something bad happens again, that will never go away.  

It’s the ugly truth…

I’ve had a wonderful pregnancy physically.  It’s as if I’m not even pregnant, with just some acne and stuffy/bloddy nose, if it weren’t for the appointments and growing belly I wouldn’t think I was pregnant at all.  But mentally, especially after experiencing multiple miscarriages this hasn’t been easy.  

The ugly truth is…

-After experiencing a miscarriage you feel like your news feed is fluttered with announcement after announcement or constant complaining about feeling nauseous or tired etc etc....  Be sensitive to the silent sufferers, think before you speak or post and be grateful for what you have.

-It feels like every show on TV is about a pregnant woman.

-You feel guilty every time you see a pregnant woman and you think to yourself why her…you immediately feel guilty for thinking it. Truth is you don’t know what she’s gone through to get there.

-It seems like every time you had gone to the doctors office before you never saw any pregnant ladies, but now all of a sudden the waiting room is full of them..and then there’s you…

I’ve never seen anyone cry in the doctors office before, and here I am sobbing...am I the only one??

**(But I have to say I love my doctors and the ladies that work there,  the secretaries and blood lady got to know me pretty well over the past year and a half, and when I finally walked over for the official first blood work after all my early ultrasounds the blood lady was so excited for me! and when I walked out to the check out desk from my last early ultrasound appointment that finally confirmed a viable pregnancy, the secretary gave out a little scream of excitement for me. It was nice to have that feeling that they were rooting for me and I really appreciate them all.)

Then you finally get pregnant again and..

-You walk into the doctor and they ask how many pregnancies you’ve had and I have to answer this is my third pregnancy. When they ask the question you immediately give them a look like umm what do I say?!? This is awkward and painful every time.

-When someone asks if this is your first or how many children you have, you want to include your angel babies, and feel guilty when you don’t, but feel like it will be easier not to get into it.  

-Going to the bathroom is terrifying.  I hold my breath that I’m going to look and there is going to be blood EVERY SINGLE TIME. I don't think this will ever go away.  

-Every 4 week appointment is one step closer to the due date, but there is still fear until delivery day and a healthy baby is handed to you.

-I had all the pins and baby bump ideas during my first pregnancy, and I took a photo each week until the miscarriage. The second pregnancy I didn't take any before the miscarriage. And with this pregnancy I didn’t take one until 14 weeks, and haven’t taken one every week.  It just doesn’t seem important.  Nothing really seems important anymore except those weekly appointments where they tell you its okay.

People may not understand why you can’t let it go and forget about it.   I feel like people judge me for not acting a certain way. Trust me I am enjoying this pregnancy, physically it’s a breeze, but mentally it’s a battle every day, and no one will understand unless they’ve been there.  I’m not letting it ruin my happiness, but it’s a different sort of happiness, a bottled up cautious excitement, that only those going through it can understand. I'm grateful every day that I get to be pregnant, but worry every day if I will stay pregnant.

It’s the Ugly Truth..It’s my truth.

Pink or Blue??

Pink or Blue??? What do you think???

The anticipated halfway mark, or 20 week ultrasound where they can determine if it's a boy or it's a girl….

Many people look forward to this moment so they can pick their blue or pink themed nurseries. Pick out cute little dresses or little boys clothes. Have gender reveal parties, etc.

But then there are those who want to wait until delivery day arrives.  What better surprise than going through labor and hearing it's a….!!!!!

So what am I???

I want to be surprised.  Although my husband wants to find out I think I will win this battle.

I'm not really a pink or blue person to begin with, so going all neutral themes is right up my alley.  And it's a money saver because I'm sure I'd already have a room full of stuff if I knew the gender (same for some family members...wink, wink)

After everything we've been through it doesn't matter to me either way as long as it's a healthy little baby. And you will never get that moment back of hearing for the first time after how many hours of delivery what it is…and to me that's some good motivation to push!!!

So here's a few wives tale predictions..although for every friend I know it has been true I know 3 that it has not been true… especially the morning sickness one.  So take them for what you will.. Wives tales that's all they are.. And stay tuned to see if I fit the mold….

How you are carrying..

High -pink

Low - blue

I'd say it's too early to tell, although I've got a super short torso so I'm pretty sure there will be no high low it will just be there, it already feels like my uterus is in my sternum.  Tie here for now.

Baby weight- basketball vs football?

If you are carrying in front it's a boy, spaced all around belly it's a girl...

We’ve all heard the basketball it’s a boy, football it’s a girl.  Although again I’ve had some friends who were all belly in front and had a girl.

I’d say it's too early to say.  Tie here for now.

It’s all about that beat...Heartbeat…

It is said if the heartbeat is above 140 it’s a girl, below 140 it’s a boy...so what if it’s 140 exactly???

As of now this is a resounding girl here.. Although I haven’t gotten specific numbers since the beginning which was 176, 165, 146, every appointment since with the doppler they’ve had a really hard time finding it, but then when they did said it’s in the 140’s.

Cravings..

If you are craving sweet it's a girl, salty it's a boy…

Although I've always loved sweet and salty things, salty things taste way too salty these days and I definitely have devoured way too many sweets as of late

Give me those cookies and donuts and chocolate.. Girl

Breakouts

If you are breaking out it's a girl

This one sadly I feel like a 13 year old I've got this one hands down.. I’ve been waiting for my face to clear up for months now...Girl

Ring on a string

If it swings in a circle it's a boy, swings back and forth it's a girl

But I've seen it listed as the opposite as well.

Tried with my necklace and it was back and forth.  But I believe this is one is all how the string holder lets go of the ring.  So tie here. Not sure I fall for this one.

Sick

Do you have nausea and morning sickness? It's a girl.  If you’re not sick it's a boy...

Although I’d say I had some slight food aversions early on, where I couldn’t even take more than a bite of meat, I’d still say Boy wins it here.

Mood swings..

If you have them it's a girl

Pretty sure my hubby would say they're in full force.. Sorry babe.. Girl

Linea nigra

That weird line that some people get on their belly, if it continues above the belly button it’s a boy, below belly button it’s a girl

Nothing yet, Girl Here.

A big boob

Right breast larger? It’s a Boy , left side it’s a girl

Sorry TMI, but Girl here.

Chinese calendar

Look it up online, it uses your age and month of conception.

Girl

Evens or odds

If your age and year of conception are both even or odd it’s a girl

If one is even and one is odd it’s a boy

Boy

So based on these wives tales it’s a landslide for girl.  7-2

My husband says it’s a boy, although that I’m sure it  is brought on because that’s what he wants (although he’d be happy with either) and I say girl (mostly just to bug him) :)
But from our first appointment that we found out it was twins, I immediately thought they were 2 girls.  Myself being a twin, twin girls, I thought it was like me and my sister.  :) Then when we lost one and they weren’t sure about the heartbeat of the other I remember we left the appointment and my husband said you and the baby drive me nuts..I looked at him and said..it must be a girl then.. :)

Have these wives tales been true for you?? So what will our little one be? I guess you’ll have to wait and see.  :)

10 Things NOT to say to someone who has had a miscarriage

I have miscarried 3 times  in a year and a half.  I am blessed to be pregnant and can only pray I carry a healthy baby to term.  But the lingering emotions from each miscarriage still haunt me, and I still fear every day that we will lose this baby.  Those feelings will never go away….

When someone you know has a miscarriage, often times you don’t know what to say, and for me it was those people that let me talk, let me cry, and just let me be that helped the most.  But here are some things you should NOT say to someone who has had a miscarriage.

10 things NOT to say to someone who has had a miscarriage.

1. Everything happens for a reason….

Really? Do you say this to the mother whose child who dies of cancer?? Is there really a reason that anyone should get cancer??  While a lot of people say this I think because they don’t know what else to say, it is not comforting to someone who is grieving a loss.  And with a miscarriage the ‘reason’ is often times not known, which makes it all the more frustrating.

2. At least you know you can get pregnant….

Okay yes, I can get pregnant this time, but what does that matter if I can’t carry the baby to term?!!? And how do you know I'll be able to get pregnant again?

3. At least it wasn't later….

Implying that it would hurt any more if it was 5 months along instead of 3 does not help negate the experience of the loss.  It was still your child, no matter when the loss occurred.  The emotional effects are the same no matter when you lose your child.

4. Maybe you shouldn't have done/eaten this or that….

Oh my...To say that to a women after a miscarriage is just belittling.  As if she hasn’t already blamed herself enough and gone over and over in her head everything she did up until that point, to question her actions and lifestyle is just awful.  Most of the time there is nothing you could have done to prevent the miscarriage, and you will never know what the cause was.  To question her is just wrong.

5. It will happen…

Will it? You don’t know this.  Women can struggle for years.   

6. There was probably something wrong anyways…

Don’t assume that I would have loved my child any less if something were different about them.  

7.  It's very common…

Yes it is a common occurrence happening to every 1 in 4 women, but when it happens to you it is heartbreaking and lonely.

8. Maybe you weren't ready…

No.  I was ready, we wanted this baby, we prayed for this baby.  We were ready.

9. Do you know what's wrong with you…

No I don’t, and thank you for implying that it was me that caused my miscarriage.

10. At least you have a child….

Although this does not pertain to me, this would be one of the worst things to say implying that the lost babies life was any less precious than the one you already have.  

To read more on miscarriage and supporting those who have experienced one, go here

supporting through loss

Spiralize it

Oodles O' Noodles!!!

The best Christmas gift I got was this little $9.00 invention, the Veggetti (don't tell my husband it's one of my favorite gifts)

But seriously we LOVE it!! 

For me I love spaghetti, but it's more the marinara sauce I crave than the pasta.  But spaghetti squash was starting to get old.  Then we discovered the spiralizer and Zucchini noodles and any other vegetable you want! It has become a staple in our diet.  

You can substitute it for pasta, make cold salads and so much more.  

Here is one of my favorite recipes!

Chicken Pad Thai Zucchini noodles

3 large eggs (or egg whites)

1 Tbsp coconut oil

2 Chicken breast, cut into pieces

2 medium zucchini, spiralized

1 red bell pepper

1/4 cup peanuts

1 cup chopped cilantro

1/2 cup onion, chopped

dash of salt

Sauce

1/4 C peanut butter, unsalted

1/4 C warm water

1 Tbsp rice vinegar

4 Tbsp soy sauce

1 Tbsp agave (maple syrup, or honey)

1/2 lime, juice

Directions:

In a blender, mix the ingredients for the sauce and set aside

Preheat a large skillet on medium heat, spray with cooking spray.  Make scrambled eggs, set aside.  

Clean the skillet, heat the coconut oil, saute onions and peppers.  Add in chicken (my husband typically cooks it on the grill and we cut it up and add it in)  

Add the peanuts and sauce, salt and pepper as desired, and simmer.  Then add in the zucchini noodles last, as they don't need long and you don't want them to get soggy.  Top with cilantro. Enjoy!!

You can also make this with shrimp or tofu or any other protein of choice, or none at all.  And you can make it a cold salad as well.  

Our Story....

We are so happy to announce we are expecting March 2016!

With 3 little angels above us, and one inside me, this wasn’t an easy announcement to make.  I thought long and hard about if I wanted to do one of “those” announcements or not, because not too long ago I knew how hard it was to see those announcements.  Social media these days is a highlight reel and boasting platform, and often times the story or struggle behind that is hidden or overlooked.  I didn’t think it was fair to announce our happy news without sharing our story. The struggle and tears that led up to this photo, and acknowledging our other babies, because this isn’t our first baby, it’s our fourth...

So it's pretty long, but here's our story...I'll be detailed but not too much as I will post later more about my miscarriage experiences. Especially since October is pregnancy and miscarriage awareness month. 

Baby #1

Last April we were pregnant and due in January of 2015 with Baby #1. Of course we were super excited, I started pinning things, we told our parents and a select few, and waited for the first 8 week appointment.  I went in to the first appointment got all the information, bloodwork etc. I went to Target bought a book and little outfit, even took bump selfies, and I waited for the 9 week ultrasound.  Being your first pregnancy you’re nervous, but don’t really think anything of it, but we knew something was wrong at the appointment when it was only measuring 6 weeks and no heartbeat. We had a follow up ultrasound the next week.  At this appointment we found out on our one year anniversary weekend that there was no growth or heartbeat.  I ended up having a D&E July 3.

This was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.  The pain, depression, blame, self doubt, sadness, anger, and still I had to pretend and put on a happy face, because face it, people don’t talk about those things.  

Unfortunately being 10 weeks we had told a few close friends because it was hard to hide why I wasn’t drinking ;) But other than our parents, siblings, and those select few friends, most of our family and friends had no idea and still may have no idea until now that I am writing this.

I had to go back and have my blood monitored week after week to make sure the pregnancy hormone was going down because they had found abnormal cells in the tissue.  They were worried it could have been a molar pregnancy, which the word cancer just adds a whole new level. But luckily it wasn't, but it unfortunately took awhile for my levels to come down.  This process alone is agonizing..wanting to get pregnant again, but can’t because you’re body still has the pregnancy hormone in it.  The irony you pray to be pregnant but at this moment you're praying for your body to realize you're not pregnant.. Finally I hit zero in September...

Baby #2

Then the end of October we found out we were expecting again. We would be due June 21 with Baby #2. Right at our two year anniversary!  But this time they didn’t make me wait until the normal 9 week ultrasound.  I went in at what should be 6 weeks, but it was measuring 5.  So I had a follow up the next week and they still weren’t sure it would be viable, so I had another a few days later, but the sac was an abnormal shape and the heartbeat was slow, so we had yet another, and this one determined there was no growth and heartbeat, and an abnormal mass was growing in the sac.  It was advised to have another D&E right away, So on November 14,  I had my second D&E.  Not only going through this again in the same year, but my 30th  birthday was only a few days later.  Talk about a hot mess….

I was miserable, depressed, I probably cried every day for a month after each loss, hiding in the bathroom, crying in the car on the way to work and home, crying in the shower, and in bed..  And to make it worse my news feed was fluttered with pregnancy announcements or births, when we should be announcing ours as well.  Ensue more sobbing.... With every announcement came more self pity and that feeling of anger and loneliness.  Now don’t get me wrong, I was and am so happy for each and every one of my friends or family that had a baby or announced it during this time, it wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for them, but with it came all the emotions of my loss and the feeling of feeling sorry for myself.  And my apologies to those who felt I was different during this time and took offense to it, it was not my intention, it was nothing against you.

Then came January...our baby #1 due date, and yet my bloodwork still wasn’t back to normal…(my body sure did like to hang on to that pregnancy hormone...For those who think a miscarriage is over when it happens... It's not.  It can take months afterwards to get rid of everything.). Knowing that I should be delivering our first child and here I was having had 2 miscarriages was too much to handle.  Having to go in every week for blood and then getting that phone call that it’s still not below 5 (which is a normal, non-pregnant, number) ...with every phone call came the circle of emotions.  After each call you could no doubt find me crying in the bathroom at work.

Finally the end of February my bloodwork showed zero and a few weeks later I got a period, which meant the pregnancy hormone was gone and we could get pregnant again.  I also had some bloodwork done in this time to test for any autoimmune disorders I may have.  Some women having miscarriages have had success going on baby aspirin. My results showed some questionable things, but nothing conclusive..but I was told to start taking baby aspirin anyways.

But March passed, and I never got a period...then April passed, still nothing and each test showed negative.  And the day we found out we were expecting baby #1 came and went, and all those emotions came back again, along with frustration, sadness, and depression.  Finally I called the doctor and I’ve always been irregular, which they say could be PCOS, or other factors, and I was put on medicine to start a period and to then help ovulate.  Then our second due date for baby #2 came and went as well as our anniversary, and loss of baby #1, and the cycle of sobbing, and depression started all over again.  I should have a newborn or 6 month old by now and instead I have nothing. We were one more round away from seeing a specialist..

But finally we got what we were waiting for....  

                                                              

Because of my history I was to come in at 5.5 weeks. I went in and after being through this several times already I  figured they wouldn't see much and I'd have to go in for a follow up so I told Nick to not even bother coming. So I went in and the doctor said I was indeed pregnant but she was only measuring 4 weeks...this was with an abdominal ultrasound. She then did a transvaginal, and she said with surprise, I'm still measuring 4 weeks but there are two sacs... Two!!! I knew being a twin and being on medicine my odds would be higher... But I was in total shock... I couldn't even carry one successfully, how would I carry two?! A million thoughts went through my mind. She gave me a picture to take home.. This was the first picture I've ever gotten. I left to go back to work in a daze, how was I going to tell Nick??

I got in the car after work and showed him the picture. He took a minute but then said wait are there two?! After shock wore off we were super excited. And me being a twin I thought this was something special I could share with my children.  How would we ever keep this secret though... 

Baby #3, Baby #4

We had our next ultrasound 10 days later. I was so nervous as I had no symptoms like every other pregnancy. And of course bad news...there was only one sac and a low heartbeat that was the same as my pulse, so they weren’t sure if it was mine or the baby.  I was scheduled to come in yet again a week later. We had lost a twin....Baby #3.  I had no idea how to comprehend this. Not again!! But there was still one, that was good right?? I cried again and again. How would I last a week.. I prayed for any sign, like every other time, I prayed to feel nauseous, throw up, anything! I would gladly throw up everyday for nine months if it meant I'd have a healthy baby. Yes you read that right. And trust me, I'm not the friend you want to complain to about feeling like crap while pregnant. Because I will just look at you, roll my eyes and with no sympathy say boohoo suck it up. You have a baby be grateful. You have no idea how hard I prayed to switch places with you.

Luckily it was a Friday and the weekend. So I spent the night sobbing on the couch. We left the house Saturday to go to dinner and as soon as we went outside we saw a rainbow... For those who don't know a baby after a miscarriage or still birth is called a rainbow baby.. I immediately started crying, but tears of hope. It was the sign I needed to stay calm. This would be our baby, our rainbow baby.  They say a woman knows her body and I can say before each loss as much as I tried to tell myself everything was fine, I knew before each one that something was wrong. And on our way to the last appointment I was a mess driving there and my husband was asking me what was wrong as I'm crying and irritated, and I just knew that something wasn't right... And I was right.. we had lost a twin. But at this moment that I saw the rainbow I knew everything would be okay with this baby.

Finally the next Friday rolled around and off we went yet again for an ultrasound... And those seven words I've waited 476 days to hear...."I have GOOD NEWS, there's a heartbeat" 

We were only 6.5 weeks but we finally made it past the first hurdle.. There was a heartbeat... Now I just had to make it to the next appointment to feel a little more easy.  

But about 2 weeks later I passed a clot, which immediately brought on tons of anxiety and worry, they had me come in and did an ultrasound, everything was fine and baby was measuring 8.5 weeks with a heartbeat of 175.  All was good.  I was scheduled for the normal ‘first’ appointment that Friday, which I finally got all the bloodwork and paperwork and could start back on the normal timeline of appointments.  My next checkup would be 4 weeks later and just a dopplar no ultrasound until 20 weeks.  

After going in almost weekly for ultrasounds 4 weeks seemed like a lifetime.  Having no symptoms either I was still overly cautious and didn’t want to tell anyone until after the next appointment.  

Finally I had my checkup and although it took awhile to find and kept moving around the doctor found the heartbeat. Finally... Some Comfort...

I was still unsure on how to think about the twin we lost, should I even consider it a miscarriage? If I was on a normal track I would have never had my first ultrasound until 9 weeks and never would have known there were twins.., would that have been better? I wouldn't have had to grieve again.,, but after doing some googling, it is actually a phenomenon called the Vanishing Twin Syndrome... One of the twins appears to vanish as it is absorbed back into the uterus.. I found an article that said "a vanishing twin is the shooting star of the womb" And that's how I feel. It's a special moment I got to witness. And it was baby, my third baby.. And I’ll have that special memory to share with Baby #4.

So that’s our story...

And trust me I know what it’s like to sit there and say why them, why not me? Trust me I understand, and I don’t understand why it does or doesn’t happen.  Unfortunately my innocence was taken, and it’s sad, but it’s hard to be excited or rather show my excitement, I will never be excited like the first time I found out, that innocent excitement, it was stolen from me… until the baby is in my arms I won't rest easy.  This photo session was the first thing I did to actually make it feel real, I took my first bump selfie at 14 weeks, I haven't bought a thing, and we just started telling people. Miscarriage changes you, it takes a piece of you away.  

Miscarriage causes you to hate yourself and your body. I was depressed and not taking care of myself. I wasn't working out and I was eating things like oreos, a whole bag of oreos, and sitting on the couch crying unable to move. It's like you go through your day in a daze. But then the Beachbody opportunity presented itself at just the perfect time. I signed up to coach with the 21 Day Fix right before our second miscarriage.  I was instantly uplifted by a group of strangers who were so positive and motivating. I fell in love with working out again and my eating habits were starting to change. Finally I felt more like myself.  After my procedure I went all in and my 30 minute workout became my escape, and eating clean was second nature. I knew that there was nothing I could do to prevent a miscarriage,  but I could at least know I was the healthiest I could be and treating my body with respect instead of neglect. I could provide my body with the nutrients and fuel it needed to produce a human life. 

Follow me on this journey of a healthy, fit pregnancy, with all of my fears, anxieties, and cautious excitement of this new chapter.  Please know that you are not alone! This was tremendously hard to share, especially knowing some family and friends may have no inkling any of this ever happened, but if I can help just one person feel like they are not going through whatever they are alone, then it was worth it. Society doesn't really talk about miscarriages, and we are forced to grieve alone, hide, and feel shamed. But you're not alone.

**And I want to give a huge shout out to my husband, for dealing with my tears, hormones, wave of ups and downs, and to those few friends and family members who dealt with and listened to my complaining, crying, and venting, or just let me be, thank you.  

 *Photos by Inspired and Enchanted Photography